Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
