Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
