Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
