I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
