Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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