How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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