walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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