so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
