HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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