Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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