Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
