just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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