Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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