You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The air was thick with penises
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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