My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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