my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
