I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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