Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
