she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
