i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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