I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
