so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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