So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
