I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
