Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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