I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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