it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
