At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize