the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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