I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
