If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
