One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
