Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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