i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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