Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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