This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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