I puked a lego.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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