Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
