I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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