I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
