I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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