i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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