I will die if light touches me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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