were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
this is an emotional support booty call
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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