Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
