Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
