Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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