Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
