I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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