If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
