it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
