Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
