Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
