You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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