No stitches, just platelets and will power
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found the puke drawer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
