Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
