so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you bring me the toilet please
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
