ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
