I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
