party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
