I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
