Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
