Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
