jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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