My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
