took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
