Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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