I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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