I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
