it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
