Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
