Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
