You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
