Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
