woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
