She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
